The Hot Seat: Wayne takes Mark Sanchez on a field trip to the NASDAQ

On Thursday August 22, 2013 Coach Fontes along with his companions Mark Sanchez, Terry Taylor and Scott Mitchell were detained outside of the NASDAQ the following police report was filed

Mr. Fontes, after having spent the weekend in New York to cover the Jets preseason game with Jaguars, struck up a friendship with Mark Sanchez. Mr. Fontes told the officers on scene that "Mark Sanchez reminds him a lot of Rodney Pete. He has that unique ability to be extremely mediocre and yet retain a NFL starting job longer than anyone ever would have imagined". Mr. Fontes went on to say that he and his friend and former player Terry Taylor bonded with Mr. Sanchez during a night out after last weekends game. 

It was due to this bonding that Mr. Fontes and Mr. Taylor decided to help Mr. Sanchez in his bid to retain the Jets starting Quarterback position and enlisted the help of the NFL's passing yardage leader from 1995 a Mr. Scott Mitchell. On Monday Mr. Mitchell began tutoring Mr. Sanchez on the finer points of being an NFL Quarterback despite the misgivings of Jets head coach Rex Ryan. 

Mr. Mitchell explained to Mr. Sanchez that his biggest mistake while playing Quarterback is that he keeps his eyes open and down field when attempting to complete the passes. Mr. Mitchell went to proclaim that he was the originator of the close your eyes and throw deep offense that had won the Jets cross town rivals two Super Bowls in five years.

We don't understand how you won either

After this instruction Mr. Ryan was amazed with the results. Mr. Ryan told the police that visited the Jets facility later in the evening. "I really didn't think it was possible for Mark to get any worse and then he spends two days with Coach Fontes and Scott Mitchell. Next thing you know instead of passing flying over our receivers heads they are either skipping to them or making Dee Milliner look like Revis." Mr. Ryan went on to explain to Mr. Sanchez that if he kept associating with Mr. Fontes and Mr. Mitchell that Mr. Ryan would have no choice but to start Geno Smith this weekend.

Upon hearing this news Sanchez ran from the building crying proclaiming "You don't understand me like coach Fontes does". It was at this point that Mr. Sanchez reunited with Mr. Fontes et al. and they proceeded to attempt to take Mr. Sanchez's mind off of his troubles. Around noon on August 22nd the four of them entered the Condé Nast Building in Time Square carrying footballs. According to witnesses at approximately 12:30 p.m. on the 22nd of August Mr. Mitchell in an attempt to prove to Mr. Sanchez that his way threw a football to someone he mistook for a Herman Moore and was hit by an "Office Linebacker".

The attempted pass skipped past the trader that for some reason Mr. Mitchell assumed was a former teammate of his named Herman Moore and unplugged a computer. This caused the NASDAQ to be shut down for over three hours on Thursday. One of the NASDAQ traders who witnessed this grew up a Lions fan and was quoted as saying "I wish I could say that was the most damaging errant throw in Scott Mitchell's life but I know in my heart it wasn't" The traders name has been redacted for fear of reprisals for admitting he is a Lions fan.

This case is now being reviewed by the Securities and Exchange Commission to see if any charges can be filed against Mr. Fontes and Mr. Mitchell for the outage at the NASDAQ

Why The Fuck Didn't Detroit Gentrify?

Lets take a little time to discuss what went wrong with Detroit and the lessons Detroit can teach the rest of the country. In the simplest terms the city of Detroit failed to adjust to a post industrial America. While other cities became hubs for culture and entertainment Detroit continued to believe that its future viability was grounded in manufacturing jobs.

When the city's eventual downfall began is debatable I will say however that the city's fate was sealed with the construction of the Poletown plant. The city removed over 4,000 residents who not only worked within the city limits but lived there as well and replaced them with people who would come in to work and leave at the end of the day.

A city's economic well being comes from having money spent within it's borders. The jobs created by the Poletown plant did nothing but remove citizens from the city who were spending money within it's limits.

Lets play an alternate history game where the city of Detroit does not side with General Motors and the Poletown plant is never built.  As the nation comes out of the 1980's the Clinton era economic boom hits if at this point in history Detroit begins construction on Comerica Park and Ford Field at the same time as well as the Greektown casinos the city would still be financially strong today.

In the 90s there was burgeoning music scene in Michigan which could have been capitalized on by the city of Detroit if there had been a push to open live music venues around the stadiums by offering huge tax breaks to club owners. This entertainment district would have attracted recent college graduates who to the area creating a need for new multifamily housing units that would have rented for much more than the units that were there. Bringing in recent college graduates would have created a need for restaurants, coffee shops and clothing boutiques all of which would have created a permanent tax base to fund the city.

Now lets turn our attention to Poletown. If the Poletown neighborhood still existed in the late 90s something very interesting would have started happening there. A neighborhood with a rich ethnic heritage is always attractive to hipsters, for lack of a better word. The strong Polish neighborhood would have been slowly taken over by a hipster population thus increasing the value of the neighborhood. Today this neighborhood would be more like Williamsburg Brooklyn than anyplace else. Which would see increased property values that would be taxed again funding the city.

By not opening the Poletown plant the city would have began to cut it's ties to the auto industry in the 80s thereby diversifying the region's economy.  Also by breaking ties to the auto industry it would have been easier to expand the "People Mover" into being the type of public transportation that is important to large metropolitan areas. This would allow more people within the city limits to be able to partake in the entertainment in the Greektown/Stadium district without having to drive. Which would make the neighborhoods further away from the entertainment district more valuable which would lead to a larger tax base.

Had the city of Detroit made moves such as this not only would Detroit have a thriving economy but the State of Michigan would as well. With a major city designed to cater to the needs of recent college graduates sitting in Southeast Michigan there would be the mass exodus of the alumni of the five relatively large Universities in the state. Instead the graduates of the Universities move away taking with them any hopes of a rebuilt economy.

To put all of this another way Detroit went bankrupt when it failed to gentrify. Gentrification is what keeps cities viable. It increases property values which are taxed and used to fund city services. It creates well paying service jobs because the new residents would rather eat at expensive restaurants than fast food. In every way it is good for the city.

 Now you may say this is all in hindsight however over the course of two days in 1998 I made this exact argument in a Property Class at Detroit College of Law. At that time I told the professor who supported manufacturing jobs over entertainment that it would lead to the city's collapse.