Mr. Fontes, after having spent the weekend in New York to cover the Jets preseason game with Jaguars, struck up a friendship with Mark Sanchez. Mr. Fontes told the officers on scene that "Mark Sanchez reminds him a lot of Rodney Pete. He has that unique ability to be extremely mediocre and yet retain a NFL starting job longer than anyone ever would have imagined". Mr. Fontes went on to say that he and his friend and former player Terry Taylor bonded with Mr. Sanchez during a night out after last weekends game.
It was due to this bonding that Mr. Fontes and Mr. Taylor decided to help Mr. Sanchez in his bid to retain the Jets starting Quarterback position and enlisted the help of the NFL's passing yardage leader from 1995 a Mr. Scott Mitchell. On Monday Mr. Mitchell began tutoring Mr. Sanchez on the finer points of being an NFL Quarterback despite the misgivings of Jets head coach Rex Ryan.
Mr. Mitchell explained to Mr. Sanchez that his biggest mistake while playing Quarterback is that he keeps his eyes open and down field when attempting to complete the passes. Mr. Mitchell went to proclaim that he was the originator of the close your eyes and throw deep offense that had won the Jets cross town rivals two Super Bowls in five years.
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| We don't understand how you won either |
After this instruction Mr. Ryan was amazed with the results. Mr. Ryan told the police that visited the Jets facility later in the evening. "I really didn't think it was possible for Mark to get any worse and then he spends two days with Coach Fontes and Scott Mitchell. Next thing you know instead of passing flying over our receivers heads they are either skipping to them or making Dee Milliner look like Revis." Mr. Ryan went on to explain to Mr. Sanchez that if he kept associating with Mr. Fontes and Mr. Mitchell that Mr. Ryan would have no choice but to start Geno Smith this weekend.
Upon hearing this news Sanchez ran from the building crying proclaiming "You don't understand me like coach Fontes does". It was at this point that Mr. Sanchez reunited with Mr. Fontes et al. and they proceeded to attempt to take Mr. Sanchez's mind off of his troubles. Around noon on August 22nd the four of them entered the Condé Nast Building in Time Square carrying footballs. According to witnesses at approximately 12:30 p.m. on the 22nd of August Mr. Mitchell in an attempt to prove to Mr. Sanchez that his way threw a football to someone he mistook for a Herman Moore and was hit by an "Office Linebacker".
The attempted pass skipped past the trader that for some reason Mr. Mitchell assumed was a former teammate of his named Herman Moore and unplugged a computer. This caused the NASDAQ to be shut down for over three hours on Thursday. One of the NASDAQ traders who witnessed this grew up a Lions fan and was quoted as saying "I wish I could say that was the most damaging errant throw in Scott Mitchell's life but I know in my heart it wasn't" The traders name has been redacted for fear of reprisals for admitting he is a Lions fan.
This case is now being reviewed by the Securities and Exchange Commission to see if any charges can be filed against Mr. Fontes and Mr. Mitchell for the outage at the NASDAQ
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