Upset About the NSA's Information Gathering? If So Get Off of My Lawn!

In the years since Andy Rooney''s passing Sunday nights have been missing commentary from cranky old men. The staff of Grow the Fuck Up has come up with a way to remedy this situation. We are proud to announce the debut of our newest column "Get Off of My Lawn" with an angry old man whose identity will be kept secret to ensure that those young people who disagree with him do stay off of his lawn. Angry old man take it away.

Angry Old Man

I am getting sick and tired of hearing all these people whining about the government storing data they put up on the internet themselves. Now these jackasses are trying to make a hero out some little geek who sold out his country and is now hanging out with Ivan. I didn't take shrapnel in the ass while serving my country during the Korean to have my safety put at risk. Let alone put at risk by some idiot who gave up this girl that was far out of his league to make himself feel important.

(editors note: Lindsay Mills if you are reading this, call us)

What these dumbasses who are trying to make a hero out of this Snowden guy don't understand is that nothing put on the internet nor sent as a text message on a cell phone is private. Privacy only extends to conversations that cannot be seen or heard by a third party. The technology of the internet and cell phones alone renders this an impossibility. My grandson who makes a living on this internet thing posting pictures of something called a Bieber assures me that this internet thing is here to stay. He is usually correct about these things so you all better get used having your every thought readily available to anyone who wants to read it.

The real kicker is that, again according to my grandson, all this information is being collected by the owners of these websites and communications companies anyway. What are you saying that is so damn important that you are worried that someone in the government might hear or read it? If the NSA foils a sex trafficking organization because of this data collection program I bet you dumbasses won't be complaining then.

As for listening in on cellphones that same grandson of mine used to use his parents cordless phone to listen in on conversations the neighbors were having. If that dumbass could do that back in 1988 than what the hell makes you people think cell phones are secure. If you don't want people to hear what you are saying then don't say it. Hell even those idiots in Hollywood knew this in the early 1990's 

What damn movie is that? Is that the one with that guy from that movie that had the song by those guys who who sing like broads? How come they don't make good movies anymore? What happened to Casablanca's of the world? You know what happened all you damn young people have such attention spans because of this internet thing my grandson keeps telling me about. Wait a minute am I writing this for that damned internet? God damnit where the hell is my scotch?

(editors note: The angry old man walked away and is now watching John Wayne movies while drinking scotch. We will let him be for now. Make sure to check back next week for the next edition of Get Off of My Lawn)