First World Problems Defined ...wait is Florida really in the first world?

This is Pensacola Florida's own Christina Andrews she has a problem that she is trying to solve. When I first saw this story I was worried that problems which had lead The United Kingdom to restrict internet pronography had reached our shores. Then I realized it was Pensacola and I got a better look at her and realized this was her best opportunity to get the money for her augmentation. 

What I do like about this story though is how she makes the statement that a lot of people put up signs saying they are homeless at least she is being honest. The implication of course is that many if not most of the homeless panhandlers aren't really homeless. Any reasonable New Yorker knows this is true. 

This story backs up two of my philosophical tenets. The first of which is people are awful  and second Florida and Ohio are the same place.

"The Hot Seat" with Wayne Fontes

Grow the Fuck Up is proud to introduce our newest columnist specializing in breaking down the weeks NFL action The Detroit Lions modern era postseason winningest coach Wayne Fontes.

Take it away Wayne:

Wayne Fontes

The Preseason is great time of year it allows you to create Quarterback controversies and give your fans a false sense of enthusiasm about the season by going undefeated. Marv Levy never understood that always going winless in the preseason and look how that turned out for Buffalo. I always used to win Preseason games with my backup Quarterbacks and I will go down in history as the Detroit Lions greatest coach.

This weeks NFL preseason action kicks off with Detroit and Cleveland. This is the kind of game I understand. I like what Jim Schwartz has done here with the Lions built a high powered offense around a player who is so much better than anyone else at his position that he cannot be stopped. He also has a physically gifted and under achieving first round draft pick Quarterback who is backed up by a guy who had to go the community college route before becoming a winning Quarterback in the ACC and who would probably give the team better chance to win every week. This is exactly what I would have done if only Dave Levy didn't mouth off at that press conference in 1993.(editors note: Mr. Fontes is referring to when newly named offensive coordinator Dave Levy promoted Erik Kramer from the 3rd to 1st string at a press conference)

As for Cleveland they have Brandon Weeden at Quarterback who will turn 30 in his second season. This that's like having to win with an inexperienced Don Majkowski in 1995. The good thing is that expectations are so low that the coaching staff can easily keep their jobs by just upsetting the Ravens once this year. If there is one thing I know it's that nothing can save your career like defeating the defending Super Bowl Champions. 

On Friday I will be turning my attention to the Tampa Bay and New England game. I don't care much for Bill Belichick. Winning Super Bowls with a sixth round draft pick Quarterback who is married to sexy woman (The editorial staff of Grow the Fuck Up still believes that Bridget Moynahan is far better looking than Giselle and fails to understand Mr. Brady's actions in this matter. P.S. Bridget if you are reading this call us) that is not what you are supposed to do. When you draft a Quarterback in the sixth round who has a beautiful wife you are supposed to win just enough games to keep your job. Who wants the kind of pressure of winning championships?

I always have a soft spot for Tampa Bay after all that is where I got my start as an NFL coach and let me tell you good ole Wayne Fontes (pronounced Fotez in this instance) had a lot of fun in that town. I heard that Patriots Tight End Rob Gronkowski bought a house in the area. Gronk seems like Wayne's kind of guy. This game has to be the most important preseason which is why I am personally going to cover the game taking the Grow the Fuck Up corporate jet down to Tampa tonight. (The game is in New England. Also Mr Fontes is flying JetBlue on his own dime ).

On Saturday there is really only one game that matters and that is the New York Jets and Jacksonville. I feel a strong connection with Rex Ryan. The only mistake he made was making it to back to back AFC Championship games early on in his tenure. Getting a franchise like the Jets to a conference title game once a few years into being head coach would guarantee you at least four more years of employment without doing anything. Winning early just places way too much pressure on the coach. I am pulling for Rex this year and I especially like that Sanchez kid. He reminds me a lot of Rodney Peete, throws interceptions and walks over to sideline smiling. Sanchez knows that winning isn't important it's do just enough to keep your job and still being able to go out and have a good time after the game. (Mr. Fontes' link is NSFW and really shouldn't be viewed by anyone)

Well that is it for now the Big Buck will check on Sunday to report on what happened in these games and let you know where I will be heading next.

Why The Fuck Didn't Detroit Gentrify?

Lets take a little time to discuss what went wrong with Detroit and the lessons Detroit can teach the rest of the country. In the simplest terms the city of Detroit failed to adjust to a post industrial America. While other cities became hubs for culture and entertainment Detroit continued to believe that its future viability was grounded in manufacturing jobs.

When the city's eventual downfall began is debatable I will say however that the city's fate was sealed with the construction of the Poletown plant. The city removed over 4,000 residents who not only worked within the city limits but lived there as well and replaced them with people who would come in to work and leave at the end of the day.

A city's economic well being comes from having money spent within it's borders. The jobs created by the Poletown plant did nothing but remove citizens from the city who were spending money within it's limits.

Lets play an alternate history game where the city of Detroit does not side with General Motors and the Poletown plant is never built.  As the nation comes out of the 1980's the Clinton era economic boom hits if at this point in history Detroit begins construction on Comerica Park and Ford Field at the same time as well as the Greektown casinos the city would still be financially strong today.

In the 90s there was burgeoning music scene in Michigan which could have been capitalized on by the city of Detroit if there had been a push to open live music venues around the stadiums by offering huge tax breaks to club owners. This entertainment district would have attracted recent college graduates who to the area creating a need for new multifamily housing units that would have rented for much more than the units that were there. Bringing in recent college graduates would have created a need for restaurants, coffee shops and clothing boutiques all of which would have created a permanent tax base to fund the city.

Now lets turn our attention to Poletown. If the Poletown neighborhood still existed in the late 90s something very interesting would have started happening there. A neighborhood with a rich ethnic heritage is always attractive to hipsters, for lack of a better word. The strong Polish neighborhood would have been slowly taken over by a hipster population thus increasing the value of the neighborhood. Today this neighborhood would be more like Williamsburg Brooklyn than anyplace else. Which would see increased property values that would be taxed again funding the city.

By not opening the Poletown plant the city would have began to cut it's ties to the auto industry in the 80s thereby diversifying the region's economy.  Also by breaking ties to the auto industry it would have been easier to expand the "People Mover" into being the type of public transportation that is important to large metropolitan areas. This would allow more people within the city limits to be able to partake in the entertainment in the Greektown/Stadium district without having to drive. Which would make the neighborhoods further away from the entertainment district more valuable which would lead to a larger tax base.

Had the city of Detroit made moves such as this not only would Detroit have a thriving economy but the State of Michigan would as well. With a major city designed to cater to the needs of recent college graduates sitting in Southeast Michigan there would be the mass exodus of the alumni of the five relatively large Universities in the state. Instead the graduates of the Universities move away taking with them any hopes of a rebuilt economy.

To put all of this another way Detroit went bankrupt when it failed to gentrify. Gentrification is what keeps cities viable. It increases property values which are taxed and used to fund city services. It creates well paying service jobs because the new residents would rather eat at expensive restaurants than fast food. In every way it is good for the city.

 Now you may say this is all in hindsight however over the course of two days in 1998 I made this exact argument in a Property Class at Detroit College of Law. At that time I told the professor who supported manufacturing jobs over entertainment that it would lead to the city's collapse.

"Shut Up and Take My Money" - The fall of Apple

It wasn't that long ago when Apple Fan Boys lined up for nights on end just for the privilege of overpaying for the newest version of the same device Apple sold them just months before. Apple was the most dominate technology company in the world and their fanatical customers wait to throw money at them.

Apple has already seen it's share of the global smartphone market fall to 13% while Android has just under 80% of the market. At the same time Apple's share of the tablet market from 60% in 2012 to 32.5% in 2013. These Tablet figures do not include the Samsung Galaxy Tab 3 line that was released in July two months ahead of the expected announcement of the new iPad. Just as with the iPhone 5 last year the new Apple products will merely be catching up to Samsung products already available in the marketplace that are less expensive.

The real issue that will affect Apple going forward is integration of media in the virtual environment. Because Android is so far out in front of Apple in global market share it means that Google Play is out pacing iTunes for media sales and rentals. As people more and more use their tablets and phones to watch movies and television or listen to music the only way to be profitable is to control the means through which they experience their media. iTunes only works on 13% of the world's smartphones and 32.5% of the world's tablets, I expect that number to drop for the 3rd quarter, therefore Apple's share of the media sales is extremely constricted.

Smartphones and tablets aren't the only threat to Apple's existence there is also the Google Chromecast. The Chromecast along with the full integration between the Samsung Galaxy phones and tablets with the Samsung smart TV's is placing Google is a very strong position in terms of media sales. These devices run Google Play not iTunes therefore should you desire to watch a movie and you own these devices you need to rent it on Google Play. 

What has happened is that Google by allowing other companies to use their Android operating system and their Chrome browser, which also streams media to the Chromecast, has seized control of how people consume media. In a leisure based economy this is how companies succeed.

One Site to Rule Them All

So soon, as in later today, if not already you will be able to make dinner reservations right on Facebook via a new integration with Open Table. Facebook has also created a partnership with Rovi to provide more efficient access to information about entertainment. I can only imagine that there will be future partnerships with sites such as stubhub Facebook continues to move from being a social media center to a virtual town square where plans are made, trips are booked and business done.

For more in depth coverage on the the Open Table Integration click here

Where's Your Inflation Now Gold Boy?

One of the major complaints of those who oppose the Federal Reserve System, from the insane people behind the Zeitgeist Movies  to the even more insane members of the Paul family, has been their belief that the system causes high inflation. As Ron Paul has stated, quoted by the Zeitgeist Movement:

(Ron Paul) : “…what is the advice that you generally get, and that is inflate the currency. They don`t say debase the currency, they don`t say devalue the currency, they don`t say cheat the people with savings, they say lower the interest rates. The real deception is when we distort the value of money, when we create money out of thin air, we have no savings yet there`s so called capitol…so my question boils down to this-how in the world can we expect to solve the problems of inflation–that is the increase in the supply of money– with more inflation? “

The central banking practice that these people fear most is called Quantitative Easing  which is in the simplest terms increasing the money supply to banks. The concerns of people such as Ron Paul is that this will decrease the purchasing power of the dollar also known as inflation. The fact is that since the Federal Reserve began Quantitative Easing in November 2008 inflation has remained below 2% with the exception of 2011. In March of 2011 inflation began its climb above 3% this had little to do with central banking policies but was more likely due to the uncertainties caused by disasters in the Pacific Rim causing an increase in consumer prices.

Today the retail sales data for July was released and it showed that consumer spending has risen while prices have virtually stayed the same. Obviously the dollar has not seen it's purchasing power go decrease, in many areas it has increased. Why is this happening when the Federal Reserve is pumping money into the banking system at little or no interest? 

The answer is because this is the new economy. Prices cannot go up because we are at a time in which competition in the marketplace is at it's most efficient. Because of technological advances, the same ones that have eliminated many jobs,consumers now have full information about the price of a good. If you are at a store looking a product you may want to purchase you can pull out your smartphone do a quick search on google shopping and see what the product is going for at other locations. If the store you are at will not give it to you at the lower price you see online then just order it and have it show up the next day at your door. Is this a great country or what?

The reason to keep money cheap for banks is that if interest rates go up it will take away what little incentive there is for people to open new businesses and put people to work. The United States is already at or near full employment when looking at the jobs that need to be done for society to function not the supply of the work force. Any job creation is bonus at this point in a highly efficient economic system. The only reason for someone with the capital to create a job to actually create a job is if the risk to that persons capital is next to nothing. Which is why low interest rates are of the utmost importance if the goal is to keep people employed.

I Don't Want to Live on This Planet Anymore

So it's late and I was just about to attempt to fall asleep when I came across an article from last week about a show that was deemed "Too educational for Children's Television". This was to be expected considering what passes for educational television on the Learning Channel or that the Discovery Channel is trying to compete with SyFy in regards to Shark based programing.

I mean if Big Ten Universities teach Zombie Survival for Social Work credit because to quote the professor who created the class "I've been in education a couple of decades and the biggest complaint I've heard from kids is, 'Education is boring!' " then why should we be surprised that children's television shouldn't be too educational. You wouldn't want preschoolers to be better educated than upper level college students would you?

I guess it might as well be time to start teaching creationism in schools and move these exhibits to the Smithsonian. 

Just be careful because dumbing down entertainment can have dire consequences. When this becomes a reality humanity will only have itself to blame.