Proof GTFU has a Heart After All

Yesterday the New York City MTA stop the Q train for nearly two hours in order to save two lives. A pair of four week old kittens were on the tracks. The cats were fortunately rescued and are at the Animal Care and Control Center of  East New York where they will be available for adoption in a few weeks. I fully support this rescue mission. Now had it been a couple of humans well unless it was a couple of really good looking women I say it's their own damn fault for getting on the tacks.

And you Thought the British Anti-Pornography Laws Were Harsh or Don't Video Tape Yourself Having Sex if Your Ex is a Brutal Dictator

Eleven North Korean musicians including Kim Jong Un's former girlfriend were recently executed by firing squad on August 20th. What crime constituted this punishment you might ask. They apparently video taped themselves having sex. I think it is safe to say that "Dear Leader" wasn't impressed when he saw his ex actually enjoying herself 'In Flagrante Delicto'. While this punishment is way out of line with common decency I can think of at least one instance in which it seems just.

Can't we send her to North Korea?

A Call For Reason and The Strike for 15

I am never going to get to cover Syria if this shit keeps happening. So tomorrow my favorite pointless

would you pay these guys 15 an hour?

cause the "Strike of 15" is staging a walkout all over the country. Or so they claim. Well lets just examine one of the poor victims of the evil fast food industry that for some reason I am supposed to feel sorry for. I will take quotes out of the article I linked and then comment on them.

Shaniqua Davis, 20, lives in the Bronx with her boyfriend, who is unemployed, and their 1-year-old daughter. Davis has worked at a McDonald's a few blocks from her apartment for the past three months, earning $7.25 an hour. Her schedule varies, but she never gets close to 40 hours a week.

Why did she have a child at 19 with her unemployed boyfriend when her only opportunity to raise the child was on the wages earned at McDonald's. Birth control is cheaper than raising a daughter. She seems to feel that it is McDonald's fault that she doesn't have enough to raise her child.

 She pays the rent with public assistance but struggles to afford food, diapers, subway and taxi fares, cable TV and other expenses with her paycheck.

Yes you read that correctly. She pays her rent with public assistance but struggles to afford a list that includes cable TV, which in New York is at least 100 a month, and taxi fares. I don't have cable or take taxis because they are not worth the price why can't she do the same? 

I have a real hard time feeling bad for this person. Sure she probably came from a difficult starting point in life but she clearly could have and could continue to make better choices. Simply cutting the cable and kicking out the deadbeat boyfriend would go a long way to making her life easier. 

I believe that anyone who is willing to put in 30 hours a week of work, 30 hours being what should be considered the new full time, should have 20,000 dollars a year minimum. No income tax or anything like that. If they make less than 20,000 they would get a refund to make up the difference. For example if someone works 30 hours a week for 9 dollars an hour they would receive a negative income tax equal to 5,960 dollars giving them an income of 20,000 a year. This is all they get. No public assistance or food stamps. They have to make a go of it with what they have. (editors note: the plan also calls for single payer health care)

I am just saying that these jobs are not worth 30,000 dollars a year. Yes it is a struggle to make ends meet on these wages. Yes people who are willing to put in the work should have things a bit easier. However for the love of all that is reasonable can't we ask that people make better decisions with their lives and if they don't that is their problem? 

Apparently There are More Degrading Things People do for Money

If you are one of the many out there that are concerned about young women having to degrade themselves by having sex for money in a Swiss Sex Box things could be worse. They could be one of the people paid by the Anthony Wiener campaign to pretend to be a "Carlos Danger" supporter.

Would You Like Fries with That Blowjob?

Yesterday there was the report that Atlantic City was going to open it's first strip club next month. Atlantic City is attempting to overcome the steep loss of revenue over last few years by becoming the ultimate adult play ground. While they are putting up a commendable effort it would seem that the Swiss have taken this to whole new level with their implementation of drive up "Sex Boxes".

The Swiss have provided with these 'Sex Boxes' security guards and panic buttons to protect the girls and have posters encouraging safe sex. Apparently the 'customers' pull up to a negotiation stand where they place their order and then proceed with the lady of their choice to the Sex Box. It does seem as if this is an excellent way to deal with prostitution issue as it is never going to go away. By providing a state run sex sanctuary the Swiss are taking the pimps and sex traffickers out of the equation and making the business a lot safer. These are important improvements as times are tough for prostitutes in Europe and they are facing stiff competition in the future. Lets just hope they hire good people to work the drive thru.

  

Worrying About Motives is a First World Problem

If I hadn't meant it when I said America needs to Grow the Fuck Up I do now. For the love of all reason why is anyone upset that Mark Zuckerberg's plan to bring the Internet to the developing world will increase Facebook's reach? Do you think that the people who will benefit from this will care. Hell no they wont care they will just be happy to play Candy Crush. There is no such thing as Altruism. Every action, no matter how selfless on the surface, always has an element of personal gain to it. Whether it is to take down someone or some organization that the actors do not like, or it is to increase the actors own power base, or to simply turn a profit doesn't matter in one way or another the person taking action is benefiting.
why the hell does anyone care if

To claim otherwise is naive at best and disingenuous at worst. If you really care about improving the lives of people in the developing world than you should support Mr. Zuckerberg in this undertaking and support Facebook as well. Yes they will profit from this but they are still doing good at the same time. So why not take a minute and click on a couple of ads (editors note do the same on this blog) because that is how the revenue is generated to fund these endeavors (editors note and bar tabs). It costs you nothing and provides so much for the developing world (editors note: and bar tenders).

People are Just the Worst or How to Make Casey Anthony Look Like Mother of the Year

So if you haven't heard this one yet I highly recommend you check it out. Amanda Catherine Hein, 26, of Allentown Pa has been charged with killing her newborn son. Ms. Hein, pictured below auditioning to be the Batman, was watching the pay-per view Summer Slam when she excused herself from her friends. She gave birth in the ladies room and placed her new born baby in a toilet tank. Ms. Hein then proceeded to return to her friends and watch the rest of Summer Slam and before receiving a ride home.  

I wish I could say I am surprised by this type of behavior but as anyone who reads this blog knows this is the kind of behavior I expect from humans. I am sure she will give some sob story in an attempt to make herself seem like the victim but in the end all she has done is make Casey Anthony look like mother of the year.

See Ben Affleck wasn't such a bad choice afterall

The New Boardwalk Empire? Or if Miley Cyurs' Career Tanks Scores Atlantic City is Hiring

Atlantic City has a plan to stem the tied of falling revenues and fleeing customers. Next month Scores will open a club in Trump Taj Mahal. Bob Gains, the club's managing partner said "We feel this is the third leg of the Atlantic City triangle: gambling, alcohol and adult entertainment," and while I find the statement redundant I commend this action as it should help the economy.  Strippers being one of the occupations that robots are yet unable to fill, although the British are working on it. 

I do have certain concerns. If my experience in Atlantic City has taught me nothing else its that "Scores" had better be wheel chair accessible and have defibrillators on hand. The clientele during the week will range from the elderly to the morbidly obese and I would hate for one of these hard working young ladies to face a wrongful death suit brought on by a lap dance.  

A typical Tuesday in Atlantic City

  

Does This Robot Also Make Sandwiches?

The British who have gone to great lengths to protect their sex workers jobs  is now facing another threat to the time honored profession of Fanny Hill with the introduction of Roxxxy. It doesn't seem as if the technology is there yet to develop a proper pleasure model.

Pris the Nexus 7 Pleasure Model

While I admire the efforts of the British I will hold off giving this technology the full "Grow the Fuck Up" endorsement until I can get a proper number 6 Cylon model.

They Called Me Mad at the University! Mad! GTFU's Mission to Point Out that Things are Pretty Damn Good

By now many of you I am sure see me as some deranged Blofeldian villain who has no sympathy for the plight of humanity and is only concerned about his own well being. So I figured why not embrace the image.

Can this guy really be evil?

Yes I have a dream of replacing 90 percent of the labor force with robots. This will only make your lives better. Why should humans toil away at meaningless jobs when perfectly good machines can do that. It is true that I have no sympathy for those who are the product of generations of bad decisions. Yes I wish to wage war on other (truly) evil organizations. Does this make me a Super Villain? No,  I do all of these things because I am concerned for you my readers.

 The whole point of this is to give you all reason to turn off your misguided guilt and concern over the misfortune of others. Before you waste your time you should be enjoying on the plight of others think if they are really worth your effort. More over what can be done if they do not have the skills to succeed nor the desire to do so.  If you worry about yourself and those whom you are responsible to there is no need to. You and yours will be just fine. If you have children they are in a position to succeed just as you have because they will be of the 25 percent of high school seniors who have the skills to succeed.

Just be happy with all of the amazing things that the modern world has given us. More leisure time, longer life spans and more food than at any point in history.  Enjoy your lives because in the end that is all it is about. things are pretty damn good so stop worrying it gets you no where. You know who worries about the plight of the masses? Bono. Bono worries about the plight of the masses. Do you really want to be Bono?

Pop Stars are Not Durable Goods or Why Durable Goods Numbers Have Nothing to do With the Economy's Health

Somebody raided Beetlejuice's wardrobe

Today's release of the United States durable goods data has caused some consternation as too the health of the economy. Anyone who is concerned about durable goods clearly hasn't been paying attention to Grow the Fuck Up.  A durable good is something that is expected to have a life span of three or more years. As anyone who keeps track of changing consumer tastes would be shocked if the numbers weren't falling faster than Robin Thicke's libido while receiving a lab dance from Miley Cyrus.

The declining interest in suburban life has led to smaller demand of durable goods. As the United State population continues to move more often they want fewer and fewer possessions they have to take with them. This cuts into durable goods not only in lack of appliance and automobile purchases but also in the digital entertainment industry. Where as 20 somethings used to have shelves filled with CD's and DVD's now all of those goods are stored remotely in servers or on MP3 players.

Also to be considered is the fact that more and more people are choosing replace their televisions with computers or tablets. Where as at one point in time a person might have three TV's in their dwelling they may now simply use their tablet device and have no television at all.

Americans are living smaller these days without giving up anything. A cell phone, a laptop and a tablet have for all intents and purposes replaced the following list of durable goods for many Americans. A television, CD collection, DVD collection, land line, answering machine, video game console, video game collection, tape recorder, mp3 player, personal organizer, watch, clock, flashlight and that is just off of the top of my head.

Durable goods have gone the way of album oriented rock. They have both been replaced by newer sleeker objects that don't weigh you down to your past. It's neither a good nor a bad thing it just is. To put it another way a world tour featuring the original line ups or the Who, Led Zeppelin and The Beatles is more likely to occur than for durable goods to have an impact on the economy. I mean the Zombie Apocalypse is bound to happen unless movies and TV have lied to me again.

Get Off of My Lawn: Staples Employees

Once again Grow the Fuck Up is proud to bring you the rants of the Angry Old Man.

Since against my better judgement I agreed to write for this damn internet thing I made my grandson take me to buy one of those laptop computers all the kids are talking about this week. Let me tell you something I am damn retiree whose idea of modern technology is a catalytic converter and I am more qualified to sell computers than those dumb asses at Staples.

How in the hell are these people even employed? I used to think that this whole internet thing was a bad idea but now I know for sure that anything that allows me to purchase products without dealing with these morons is a good thing. They have zero people skills, they cannot speak in complete sentences and they don't even know a damn thing about the products they are selling.

How someone who wants to "ax" me a question can try and talk down to me as if I don't know what I am buying is beyond me. Oh they know how to push the extended warranties and protection packages that make multilevel marketing seem like a wise way to spend money but they don't know a damn thing about computers.

My grandson tells me that these idiots think that they are underpaid. Underpaid for being rude? Underpaid for being uninformed? What the hell are they talking about. Back in my day these jackasses would have starved to death but my kids generation is made up of a bunch of pussies who feel bad about doing well so they coddle these subhumans. Just showing up for work is worthy of getting paid. You are there to assist customers do your damn job well and then you can complain about being underpaid.

I cannot stand the halfwits that pass for Americans these days. At least I still have a good butcher, speaking of which I have to go pick up a couple of steaks and turn on the grill before I sit down and watch this watered down version of Football that is passing for sports these days. Who the hell worries about concussions? Rub some dirt on it and get back in the game you pussies!

Don't worry, scrote. There are plenty of 'tards out there living really kick-ass lives.

The march towards Idiocracy continues. On Wednesday the Associated Press reported that only a quarter of last year's high school graduates who took the ACT have the basic skills they need to succeed in college or in the work place.  It's a damn good thing that as a society most of these people will be obsolete in the next decade.

I know that the knee jerk response to this information will be that we need to better fund education. While I would love to see better schools I really do not believe that this would fix the problem. This is a societal problem that begins at home. If a high school senior cannot score better than a 22 on the reading comprehension portion of the ACT no amount of schooling is going to help that student. An 18 year old should be able to read at that level merely by associating with his or her parents. The education system should turn that 22 into 32 not bring a 12 up to 22.

The fact is that if some level of education does not begin at home there is nothing the schools can do about it. Asking the schools to fix this problem will only drag the other students down as the teachers have to spend more time catching up the underachieving students. At some point the schools have to say enough is enough. The Schools must stop promoting kids to the next grade if they haven't developed the skills to move on and in some cases just tell the kids not to come anymore if they aren't learning.

While I am aware that it is not the kids fault that their parents are horrible people it is the responsibility of those parents to care for their kids. There are just too many kids who are not succeeding and whether or not anyone wants to admit it they are holding back those who might succeed. It's time to worry more about what is fair to those who have a chance to succeed rather than what is fair to those who do not.

Otherwise this will be the future of the medical profession.

I can't possibly jump these many homeless people! I won't risk it!

So I just noticed that the City of Columbia South Carolina has passed an ordnance forcing the city's homeless population to relocate or be incarcerated. Besides the fact that almost every urban municipality already has anti-vagrancy I commend Columbia for acting on the issue. Again this brings me back to a question I have often asked. Why would someone choose to live in a location where they cannot afford basic housing? Especially when there are parts of the United States practically giving away homes.

The fact is the City of Columbia is acting well within it's rights and I certainly hope that more cities follow in their lead. I have always felt that simply raising the fine for giving money to panhandlers and enforcing it over two weeks would get the vagrants to move on but Columbia's idea works just as well. The only other solution is to create a catchy musical number that convinces them to move on to another location.

End of the Suburban Century and the Death of the Single Family Home

Today it was reported that sales of new single family homes in the United States fell 13.4 percent. Anyone who is surprised by this just hasn't been paying attention to the broader societal trends. An entire generation of people that would make up today's first time home buyers prefer to rent rather than own. This is because they value mobility over stability. The so called Millennial generation are ending the suburban century and returning to the way most people lived prior to the post war exodus of the cities. They prefer to not be car dependent so it makes no sense for them to want single family homes.

Due to these demographic trends it should not be taken as a bad sign for the economy. It is just another sign that the way in which people in the United States live is changing. Much as with car ownership single family home ownership is becoming a relic of a bygone era. It cannot be discounted that those who would be able to afford to purchase single family homes are less likely to desire them where are those who would need the space are not in a position to afford a newly constructed one. Although they could move to a more affordable area.

The Hot Seat: Wayne takes Mark Sanchez on a field trip to the NASDAQ

On Thursday August 22, 2013 Coach Fontes along with his companions Mark Sanchez, Terry Taylor and Scott Mitchell were detained outside of the NASDAQ the following police report was filed

Mr. Fontes, after having spent the weekend in New York to cover the Jets preseason game with Jaguars, struck up a friendship with Mark Sanchez. Mr. Fontes told the officers on scene that "Mark Sanchez reminds him a lot of Rodney Pete. He has that unique ability to be extremely mediocre and yet retain a NFL starting job longer than anyone ever would have imagined". Mr. Fontes went on to say that he and his friend and former player Terry Taylor bonded with Mr. Sanchez during a night out after last weekends game. 

It was due to this bonding that Mr. Fontes and Mr. Taylor decided to help Mr. Sanchez in his bid to retain the Jets starting Quarterback position and enlisted the help of the NFL's passing yardage leader from 1995 a Mr. Scott Mitchell. On Monday Mr. Mitchell began tutoring Mr. Sanchez on the finer points of being an NFL Quarterback despite the misgivings of Jets head coach Rex Ryan. 

Mr. Mitchell explained to Mr. Sanchez that his biggest mistake while playing Quarterback is that he keeps his eyes open and down field when attempting to complete the passes. Mr. Mitchell went to proclaim that he was the originator of the close your eyes and throw deep offense that had won the Jets cross town rivals two Super Bowls in five years.

We don't understand how you won either

After this instruction Mr. Ryan was amazed with the results. Mr. Ryan told the police that visited the Jets facility later in the evening. "I really didn't think it was possible for Mark to get any worse and then he spends two days with Coach Fontes and Scott Mitchell. Next thing you know instead of passing flying over our receivers heads they are either skipping to them or making Dee Milliner look like Revis." Mr. Ryan went on to explain to Mr. Sanchez that if he kept associating with Mr. Fontes and Mr. Mitchell that Mr. Ryan would have no choice but to start Geno Smith this weekend.

Upon hearing this news Sanchez ran from the building crying proclaiming "You don't understand me like coach Fontes does". It was at this point that Mr. Sanchez reunited with Mr. Fontes et al. and they proceeded to attempt to take Mr. Sanchez's mind off of his troubles. Around noon on August 22nd the four of them entered the Condé Nast Building in Time Square carrying footballs. According to witnesses at approximately 12:30 p.m. on the 22nd of August Mr. Mitchell in an attempt to prove to Mr. Sanchez that his way threw a football to someone he mistook for a Herman Moore and was hit by an "Office Linebacker".

The attempted pass skipped past the trader that for some reason Mr. Mitchell assumed was a former teammate of his named Herman Moore and unplugged a computer. This caused the NASDAQ to be shut down for over three hours on Thursday. One of the NASDAQ traders who witnessed this grew up a Lions fan and was quoted as saying "I wish I could say that was the most damaging errant throw in Scott Mitchell's life but I know in my heart it wasn't" The traders name has been redacted for fear of reprisals for admitting he is a Lions fan.

This case is now being reviewed by the Securities and Exchange Commission to see if any charges can be filed against Mr. Fontes and Mr. Mitchell for the outage at the NASDAQ

So Long Broadcast Television and Cable Companies for That Matter

As I had previously stated just 11 days ago "The sole reason why cable companies and the Networks haven't had to cut their workforces drastically is the amount of money generated by NFL television contracts. These jobs will vanish once the NFL goes to a subscription based streaming service that doesn't require Direct TV." Well those jobs seem to be on their way out sooner than even my cold heart could have imagined. It appears that Google is going after the NFL Sunday Ticket deal which is due to expire next year. 

If Google decides it wants to buy the rights to that package there is little doubt they will be able to outbid any competitor for said rights. This would basically put to an end the cable system and allow the customers a less expensive, more efficient and convenient way to view the programing they want. More people would begin paying for individual shows rather than paying for entire networks. 

It would also continue to drive down Google's main competitor Apple's already shrinking market share as the NFL package would surely be designed to run on the Android platform.  Is this a great country or what?

How Baseball May Save New York

Never in a million years did I imagine that I would be thankful for insane devotion to a baseball team. I am now more than ever convinced that New York will not change course and become more like Detroit. As the one Mayoral Candidate who would like to set the city back 30 years by failing to understand the importance of higher property values has admitted that he is a Red Sox fan.

If there is one thing I can be assured of its that the Staten Island, Queens and the areas in Brooklyn populated with native New Yorkers will come out in force to ensure that a Red Sox fan will not be mayor. Couple this with  the fact that the wealthy Manhattan residents wont vote for him that I feel comfortable saying should he somehow win the democratic primary we will have another...........

Damn now I really wish Kelsey Grammer had decided to run for mayor.

How Can the Rent Be Too High If Someone is Willing to Pay It?

An article in the New York Times realestate section last week once again sparked the debate on "affordable housing". The article details how residents are being forced out of formerly less expensive Brooklyn neighborhoods due to rising rents. Which has led to anger from certain interest groups about the lack of "affordable housing".

The reason that I put quotations around "affordable housing" is that the term in and of itself is a misnomer. The term is meant to suggest that the housing is not affordable when it obviously is affordable because someone is renting it at that rate.

Only the absurdist logic of the world's Jimmy McMillans would say that those running a city are doing a poor job because the economy is thriving. Rent is high because people want to live there. When there is a product that is better than other similar products it becomes more expensive as demand rises. It is the same with cities. Because New York is a fantastic place to live property values increase leading to an increase in rent. New York stays a fantastic place to live because property values go up which creates a higher tax base thus allowing the city to provide better services and increased public safety. The result of lower property values and therefore lower rent is bankruptcy.

The other argument I hear is that rising rents force out the artists that provide the culture that makes a city great. This is a vestigial argument that originates more in that early 90s musical about the guy who was trying to better the neighborhood and bunch of self indulgent assholes who refused to pay their rent. Who are today's artists and musicians? More and more they are kids whose parents did well enough to send them to art school and pay for their music lessons. I know a little something about this. Rents in places like Williamsburg have gone up because trust fund kids wanted to move there because that's where all the hip culture is.

Many people think it is a good idea to set aside a certain percentage of units per building for low and middle income residents. My question is why would people who cannot afford the market rents choose to live in an area where they will face the higher consumer prices that go along with higher rents. It makes no sense from a logical perspective.

 In the 20th century the blame for urban decay was placed on those who were well fleeing from the cities to the suburbs. Now that the suburban century is over the grand children and even the children of those who fled the cities in the post World War II economic boom are returning to and improving the cities. In the end the people that were vilified in certain circles for urban decay are now being vilified in the same circle for urban renewal.

Had those who fled the cities in last century not been seduced by the suburban syren song this wouldn't even be a discussion. It is a simple fact of life that as property values increase wealth increases and people as a whole do better. I mean everyone does better. At least as long as they don't make foolish mistakes and take on responsibilities they cannot afford.

Looks like the iPhone is getting an Upgrayedd

Oh Apple you give and you give and all you ask is complete blind loyalty from your cult of fanatics. Well as I have mentioned before Apple is announcing a new iPhone in the coming weeks. It appears that they may have figured out that they need to open more markets as their market share is dwindling. TechCrunch.com is reporting that the iPhone 5s will have a fancy new finish sure to attract a special kind of customer.

Interestingly enough "Upgrayedd" with two D's for a double dose of this pimping is considered a properly spelled word according to Google. Idiocracy is already here.

It Appears Movies and TV Have Lied to Me

Soon to be fifth grade student Tyler Weaver has been consistently winning a summer reading contest in upstate New York. This has lead library's director Marie Gandron to ask that he quits competing because the other kids cannot keep up. 

Asking this kid not to compete because he is too good is like the United States Swimming Coaching suggesting the Michael Phelps just do bong tokes instead of competing because the other guys cannot beat him. I mean what kind of a librarian ask a kid not to enter a reading contest because he reads too well?

Clearly the woman to the right would never ask a kid to stop reading. Unless late night Cinemax has lied to me that woman would give all sorts of incentives to encourage reading. (editors note: if the woman in the picture to the right is reading this call us)

Lets face it the highlight of this kids life for the foreseeable future is going to be these reading contests. Soon enough puberty will hit and he will notice girls at which point winning all these reading contests will work against him. So let him have his moment of glory. He has earned it and soon he will be picked on in Middle School by all those kids he beat. He will be hearing this soon enough. 

Oh wait this is the kind of librarian that would do something this absurd. Now it makes sense, if you had to see that every morning in the mirror you'd be mad as well.

If that's what librarians really look like I guess movies and TV have lied to me.

At least Robots will get your name right. 15 an hour and the coffee business

Just when I thought I might get a brief reprieve from pointing out how galactically stupid the concept of a 15 dollar an hour minimum wage is AP reports that Seattle is facing a push for the increase. With this in mind I thought it would be worthwhile to look at what this would mean for Seattle's biggest contribution to society Starbucks.

If Starbucks were forced to pay it's hourly employees 15 dollars an hour it would only hasten the downsizing of the human workforce. . Why pay a team of baristas 30,000 a year each if you can eliminate over two thirds of your hourly staff by putting this machines in? Not to mention that I am sure that the service provided by these machines would be superior to that of the human employees. Seriously can you really trust your average Starbucks employee to use skim milk instead of whole milk when you ask? A machine would most assuredly dispense the correct milk after all that is what it is programmed to do.

If you are one of those people who loves to complain about Starbucks eating up all the market share and running the mom and pop coffee shops out of business just imagine what happens if those mom and pop shops have to pay 15 dollars an hour to their employees. Seeing employee costs double would most assuredly drive those shops out of business. If those small businesses somehow managed to stay open you would be looking at 10 dollar mochas and 3 dollar bagels.

A minimum wage increase would not only lead to consumer price inflation it would also lead to an even more homogeneous business environment. There would be no incentive for anyone to attempt to compete with the big coffee corporations when they could simply invest in a couple of vending machines. Provide all the service with minimal employees and have brand recognition. It sure beats spending 30,000 a year to give baristas something to do until their band gets huge.

It is not just Starbucks that is going in this direction. Seattle's Best also has an express coffee system.

Someday soon it will be a robot that is making your cafe latte that you pick up on your way to see a movie.

Oh who am I trying to kid? You won't be going to a movie you will be watching it at home as Movie Theaters are on their way out as well.

Upset About the NSA's Information Gathering? If So Get Off of My Lawn!

In the years since Andy Rooney''s passing Sunday nights have been missing commentary from cranky old men. The staff of Grow the Fuck Up has come up with a way to remedy this situation. We are proud to announce the debut of our newest column "Get Off of My Lawn" with an angry old man whose identity will be kept secret to ensure that those young people who disagree with him do stay off of his lawn. Angry old man take it away.

Angry Old Man

I am getting sick and tired of hearing all these people whining about the government storing data they put up on the internet themselves. Now these jackasses are trying to make a hero out some little geek who sold out his country and is now hanging out with Ivan. I didn't take shrapnel in the ass while serving my country during the Korean to have my safety put at risk. Let alone put at risk by some idiot who gave up this girl that was far out of his league to make himself feel important.

(editors note: Lindsay Mills if you are reading this, call us)

What these dumbasses who are trying to make a hero out of this Snowden guy don't understand is that nothing put on the internet nor sent as a text message on a cell phone is private. Privacy only extends to conversations that cannot be seen or heard by a third party. The technology of the internet and cell phones alone renders this an impossibility. My grandson who makes a living on this internet thing posting pictures of something called a Bieber assures me that this internet thing is here to stay. He is usually correct about these things so you all better get used having your every thought readily available to anyone who wants to read it.

The real kicker is that, again according to my grandson, all this information is being collected by the owners of these websites and communications companies anyway. What are you saying that is so damn important that you are worried that someone in the government might hear or read it? If the NSA foils a sex trafficking organization because of this data collection program I bet you dumbasses won't be complaining then.

As for listening in on cellphones that same grandson of mine used to use his parents cordless phone to listen in on conversations the neighbors were having. If that dumbass could do that back in 1988 than what the hell makes you people think cell phones are secure. If you don't want people to hear what you are saying then don't say it. Hell even those idiots in Hollywood knew this in the early 1990's 

What damn movie is that? Is that the one with that guy from that movie that had the song by those guys who who sing like broads? How come they don't make good movies anymore? What happened to Casablanca's of the world? You know what happened all you damn young people have such attention spans because of this internet thing my grandson keeps telling me about. Wait a minute am I writing this for that damned internet? God damnit where the hell is my scotch?

(editors note: The angry old man walked away and is now watching John Wayne movies while drinking scotch. We will let him be for now. Make sure to check back next week for the next edition of Get Off of My Lawn)

A Little Nihilism to Kick Off You Weekend

As most of you are aware I have little to no sympathy for dregs of humanity or any part of humanity for that matter. I find that most people are inherently selfish and foolish. People make bad decisions all the time. The problem is that those who come from a more economically challenged background are excused for their mistakes.

Before I get too far into this I must point out that odds are if you are reading this you are of a privileged background. You obviously have internet access, a device on which to read this webpage and the free time to read it. You most likely have at least a Bachelors Degree from a college or university (yes even Michigan State counts) this puts you in the top 30 percent of the United States so stop right now with the whole we are the 99% bullshit. You are privileged and those on the ranks below you see you the same as they see your hated 1%.

I came across this Associated Press article about "The New American Poor" which got me wondering why we should give a fuck about these people who have made noting but bad decisions and keep passing on those bad decisions. I encourage you to read the article however if you do not wish to read it I will be breaking down what these people say and why we should just let them suffer for their decisions.

The story begins with 52 year old Irene Slayers. Irene has been married and divorced three times by 52. She runs a fruit stand with her boyfriend and they mostly live off of government disability checks. Irene is quoted as saying : "If you do try to go apply for a job, they're not hiring people, and they're not paying that much to even go to work," she said. Children, she said, have "nothing better to do than to get on drugs."

She acts as if it is the fault of the businesses in her community that there aren't jobs for the offspring from her three failed marriages and her grandchildren. Yes she has grandchildren. Irene has a daughter named Renee Adams who is 28 who herself has two kids. Renee is a jobless single mother who has a live in boyfriend. How does Renee pay her bills? She survives off of her boyfriends government disability checks. Renee goes on to say that she wishes that employers would look past her conviction for selling prescription painkillers so she can "buy her kids everything they need"

My issue is why did Renee have children and why should society give a fuck about those children. I have no issue with adults living off of disability checks. In fact I wholeheartedly believe that the best thing we can do is subsidize employment at 30 hours a week to ensure every adult American has 20,000 dollars a year (I will lay out this entire plan in a later post) but it has to stop there. If you choose to bring children into the world than you have to care for them. If you do not have the means to do this do not have children. Reproductive choice has been the law of the land for the past 40 years so yes Renee you did have a choice. 

Look up where this lives and do a cost of living analysis of where you live to where they live. To live like I do in Manhattan a person would only need make 12,000 a year. That is basically working a minimum wage job 30 hours a week. So when Renee says that after they pay their bills they only have 10 dollars left to their name I have to wonder what fucking bills they have to pay. There is no reason if this family were responsible that they couldn't survive comfortably on one disability check on a one part time job. 

As I have stated before the cause of poverty is population size. The only reasonable thing that can be done is to encourage those who cannot afford to have offspring to not have them. Especially since those who can best support offspring and who's offspring would be those ones that would fix issues of overpopulation in the future are choosing not to have offspring. 

The only reason an individual can disagree with my points is if they have some dogmatic attachment to the sanctity of human life. If you have that dogmatic attachment than you had best go protest outside of an abortion clinic because if you do not then you are as much of a hypocrite as someone who finds abortion to be wrong except in the case of rape of incest. Either all human life has intrinsic value or no human life has intrinsic value. 

(As to ensure that readers don't consider me to be a bigger monster than I really am Intrinsic is defined as: the ethical or philosophic value that an object has "in itself" or "for its own sake" )

A dollar is still to expensive for Indiana.

So it turns out you can buy a home in Gary Indiana for one dollar. Now I think that is still one million dollars too many to live in Gary Indiana however if the Jimmy McMillan and his Rent is too Damn High people want to relocate to a lower rent area Grow the Fuck Up will cover the first ten purchases for them.

It's a small price to pay to get that annoying asshole out of New York and hell if Grow the Fuck Up can afford to hire a Wayne Fontes to cover the NFL we can do this service to New York. If sending the Rent is Too Damn High people to Indiana doesn't qualify for the Nobel Peace Prize then I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

First World Problems Defined ...wait is Florida really in the first world?

This is Pensacola Florida's own Christina Andrews she has a problem that she is trying to solve. When I first saw this story I was worried that problems which had lead The United Kingdom to restrict internet pronography had reached our shores. Then I realized it was Pensacola and I got a better look at her and realized this was her best opportunity to get the money for her augmentation. 

What I do like about this story though is how she makes the statement that a lot of people put up signs saying they are homeless at least she is being honest. The implication of course is that many if not most of the homeless panhandlers aren't really homeless. Any reasonable New Yorker knows this is true. 

This story backs up two of my philosophical tenets. The first of which is people are awful  and second Florida and Ohio are the same place.

"The Hot Seat" with Wayne Fontes

Grow the Fuck Up is proud to introduce our newest columnist specializing in breaking down the weeks NFL action The Detroit Lions modern era postseason winningest coach Wayne Fontes.

Take it away Wayne:

Wayne Fontes

The Preseason is great time of year it allows you to create Quarterback controversies and give your fans a false sense of enthusiasm about the season by going undefeated. Marv Levy never understood that always going winless in the preseason and look how that turned out for Buffalo. I always used to win Preseason games with my backup Quarterbacks and I will go down in history as the Detroit Lions greatest coach.

This weeks NFL preseason action kicks off with Detroit and Cleveland. This is the kind of game I understand. I like what Jim Schwartz has done here with the Lions built a high powered offense around a player who is so much better than anyone else at his position that he cannot be stopped. He also has a physically gifted and under achieving first round draft pick Quarterback who is backed up by a guy who had to go the community college route before becoming a winning Quarterback in the ACC and who would probably give the team better chance to win every week. This is exactly what I would have done if only Dave Levy didn't mouth off at that press conference in 1993.(editors note: Mr. Fontes is referring to when newly named offensive coordinator Dave Levy promoted Erik Kramer from the 3rd to 1st string at a press conference)

As for Cleveland they have Brandon Weeden at Quarterback who will turn 30 in his second season. This that's like having to win with an inexperienced Don Majkowski in 1995. The good thing is that expectations are so low that the coaching staff can easily keep their jobs by just upsetting the Ravens once this year. If there is one thing I know it's that nothing can save your career like defeating the defending Super Bowl Champions. 

On Friday I will be turning my attention to the Tampa Bay and New England game. I don't care much for Bill Belichick. Winning Super Bowls with a sixth round draft pick Quarterback who is married to sexy woman (The editorial staff of Grow the Fuck Up still believes that Bridget Moynahan is far better looking than Giselle and fails to understand Mr. Brady's actions in this matter. P.S. Bridget if you are reading this call us) that is not what you are supposed to do. When you draft a Quarterback in the sixth round who has a beautiful wife you are supposed to win just enough games to keep your job. Who wants the kind of pressure of winning championships?

I always have a soft spot for Tampa Bay after all that is where I got my start as an NFL coach and let me tell you good ole Wayne Fontes (pronounced Fotez in this instance) had a lot of fun in that town. I heard that Patriots Tight End Rob Gronkowski bought a house in the area. Gronk seems like Wayne's kind of guy. This game has to be the most important preseason which is why I am personally going to cover the game taking the Grow the Fuck Up corporate jet down to Tampa tonight. (The game is in New England. Also Mr Fontes is flying JetBlue on his own dime ).

On Saturday there is really only one game that matters and that is the New York Jets and Jacksonville. I feel a strong connection with Rex Ryan. The only mistake he made was making it to back to back AFC Championship games early on in his tenure. Getting a franchise like the Jets to a conference title game once a few years into being head coach would guarantee you at least four more years of employment without doing anything. Winning early just places way too much pressure on the coach. I am pulling for Rex this year and I especially like that Sanchez kid. He reminds me a lot of Rodney Peete, throws interceptions and walks over to sideline smiling. Sanchez knows that winning isn't important it's do just enough to keep your job and still being able to go out and have a good time after the game. (Mr. Fontes' link is NSFW and really shouldn't be viewed by anyone)

Well that is it for now the Big Buck will check on Sunday to report on what happened in these games and let you know where I will be heading next.

Why The Fuck Didn't Detroit Gentrify?

Lets take a little time to discuss what went wrong with Detroit and the lessons Detroit can teach the rest of the country. In the simplest terms the city of Detroit failed to adjust to a post industrial America. While other cities became hubs for culture and entertainment Detroit continued to believe that its future viability was grounded in manufacturing jobs.

When the city's eventual downfall began is debatable I will say however that the city's fate was sealed with the construction of the Poletown plant. The city removed over 4,000 residents who not only worked within the city limits but lived there as well and replaced them with people who would come in to work and leave at the end of the day.

A city's economic well being comes from having money spent within it's borders. The jobs created by the Poletown plant did nothing but remove citizens from the city who were spending money within it's limits.

Lets play an alternate history game where the city of Detroit does not side with General Motors and the Poletown plant is never built.  As the nation comes out of the 1980's the Clinton era economic boom hits if at this point in history Detroit begins construction on Comerica Park and Ford Field at the same time as well as the Greektown casinos the city would still be financially strong today.

In the 90s there was burgeoning music scene in Michigan which could have been capitalized on by the city of Detroit if there had been a push to open live music venues around the stadiums by offering huge tax breaks to club owners. This entertainment district would have attracted recent college graduates who to the area creating a need for new multifamily housing units that would have rented for much more than the units that were there. Bringing in recent college graduates would have created a need for restaurants, coffee shops and clothing boutiques all of which would have created a permanent tax base to fund the city.

Now lets turn our attention to Poletown. If the Poletown neighborhood still existed in the late 90s something very interesting would have started happening there. A neighborhood with a rich ethnic heritage is always attractive to hipsters, for lack of a better word. The strong Polish neighborhood would have been slowly taken over by a hipster population thus increasing the value of the neighborhood. Today this neighborhood would be more like Williamsburg Brooklyn than anyplace else. Which would see increased property values that would be taxed again funding the city.

By not opening the Poletown plant the city would have began to cut it's ties to the auto industry in the 80s thereby diversifying the region's economy.  Also by breaking ties to the auto industry it would have been easier to expand the "People Mover" into being the type of public transportation that is important to large metropolitan areas. This would allow more people within the city limits to be able to partake in the entertainment in the Greektown/Stadium district without having to drive. Which would make the neighborhoods further away from the entertainment district more valuable which would lead to a larger tax base.

Had the city of Detroit made moves such as this not only would Detroit have a thriving economy but the State of Michigan would as well. With a major city designed to cater to the needs of recent college graduates sitting in Southeast Michigan there would be the mass exodus of the alumni of the five relatively large Universities in the state. Instead the graduates of the Universities move away taking with them any hopes of a rebuilt economy.

To put all of this another way Detroit went bankrupt when it failed to gentrify. Gentrification is what keeps cities viable. It increases property values which are taxed and used to fund city services. It creates well paying service jobs because the new residents would rather eat at expensive restaurants than fast food. In every way it is good for the city.

 Now you may say this is all in hindsight however over the course of two days in 1998 I made this exact argument in a Property Class at Detroit College of Law. At that time I told the professor who supported manufacturing jobs over entertainment that it would lead to the city's collapse.

"Shut Up and Take My Money" - The fall of Apple

It wasn't that long ago when Apple Fan Boys lined up for nights on end just for the privilege of overpaying for the newest version of the same device Apple sold them just months before. Apple was the most dominate technology company in the world and their fanatical customers wait to throw money at them.

Apple has already seen it's share of the global smartphone market fall to 13% while Android has just under 80% of the market. At the same time Apple's share of the tablet market from 60% in 2012 to 32.5% in 2013. These Tablet figures do not include the Samsung Galaxy Tab 3 line that was released in July two months ahead of the expected announcement of the new iPad. Just as with the iPhone 5 last year the new Apple products will merely be catching up to Samsung products already available in the marketplace that are less expensive.

The real issue that will affect Apple going forward is integration of media in the virtual environment. Because Android is so far out in front of Apple in global market share it means that Google Play is out pacing iTunes for media sales and rentals. As people more and more use their tablets and phones to watch movies and television or listen to music the only way to be profitable is to control the means through which they experience their media. iTunes only works on 13% of the world's smartphones and 32.5% of the world's tablets, I expect that number to drop for the 3rd quarter, therefore Apple's share of the media sales is extremely constricted.

Smartphones and tablets aren't the only threat to Apple's existence there is also the Google Chromecast. The Chromecast along with the full integration between the Samsung Galaxy phones and tablets with the Samsung smart TV's is placing Google is a very strong position in terms of media sales. These devices run Google Play not iTunes therefore should you desire to watch a movie and you own these devices you need to rent it on Google Play. 

What has happened is that Google by allowing other companies to use their Android operating system and their Chrome browser, which also streams media to the Chromecast, has seized control of how people consume media. In a leisure based economy this is how companies succeed.

One Site to Rule Them All

So soon, as in later today, if not already you will be able to make dinner reservations right on Facebook via a new integration with Open Table. Facebook has also created a partnership with Rovi to provide more efficient access to information about entertainment. I can only imagine that there will be future partnerships with sites such as stubhub Facebook continues to move from being a social media center to a virtual town square where plans are made, trips are booked and business done.

For more in depth coverage on the the Open Table Integration click here

Where's Your Inflation Now Gold Boy?

One of the major complaints of those who oppose the Federal Reserve System, from the insane people behind the Zeitgeist Movies  to the even more insane members of the Paul family, has been their belief that the system causes high inflation. As Ron Paul has stated, quoted by the Zeitgeist Movement:

(Ron Paul) : “…what is the advice that you generally get, and that is inflate the currency. They don`t say debase the currency, they don`t say devalue the currency, they don`t say cheat the people with savings, they say lower the interest rates. The real deception is when we distort the value of money, when we create money out of thin air, we have no savings yet there`s so called capitol…so my question boils down to this-how in the world can we expect to solve the problems of inflation–that is the increase in the supply of money– with more inflation? “

The central banking practice that these people fear most is called Quantitative Easing  which is in the simplest terms increasing the money supply to banks. The concerns of people such as Ron Paul is that this will decrease the purchasing power of the dollar also known as inflation. The fact is that since the Federal Reserve began Quantitative Easing in November 2008 inflation has remained below 2% with the exception of 2011. In March of 2011 inflation began its climb above 3% this had little to do with central banking policies but was more likely due to the uncertainties caused by disasters in the Pacific Rim causing an increase in consumer prices.

Today the retail sales data for July was released and it showed that consumer spending has risen while prices have virtually stayed the same. Obviously the dollar has not seen it's purchasing power go decrease, in many areas it has increased. Why is this happening when the Federal Reserve is pumping money into the banking system at little or no interest? 

The answer is because this is the new economy. Prices cannot go up because we are at a time in which competition in the marketplace is at it's most efficient. Because of technological advances, the same ones that have eliminated many jobs,consumers now have full information about the price of a good. If you are at a store looking a product you may want to purchase you can pull out your smartphone do a quick search on google shopping and see what the product is going for at other locations. If the store you are at will not give it to you at the lower price you see online then just order it and have it show up the next day at your door. Is this a great country or what?

The reason to keep money cheap for banks is that if interest rates go up it will take away what little incentive there is for people to open new businesses and put people to work. The United States is already at or near full employment when looking at the jobs that need to be done for society to function not the supply of the work force. Any job creation is bonus at this point in a highly efficient economic system. The only reason for someone with the capital to create a job to actually create a job is if the risk to that persons capital is next to nothing. Which is why low interest rates are of the utmost importance if the goal is to keep people employed.